In order to make my blog more attractive to web surfers I have decided to begin referencing the very subject these folks are searching for: celebrities. It is a lazy marketing strategy.

Today, I woke, and ate a delicious breakfast of bagels that Jerry Seinfeld would approve of. I then I traveled to my bathroom, a den of sloth that would turn Martha Stewart directly to the sponge and ajax. Here, I shaved my face into a handle bar mustache reminiscent of the great hero Hulk Hogan. Not Brooke Hogan, she’s different, although more popular in web searches, from what i hear. This was mustache week for our company and we rocked it, hard. The visages of Charlie Chaplin, Burt Reynolds, Adolf Hitler, Dennis Eckersley, General Stonewall Jackson, Albert Einstein, and Ned Flanders could be seen all around, and all were highly disputed. I was shocked to notice, for the first time in my life, how many people wear a handle bar mustache on a daily basis. Phenomenal. After the game, which was played by the Boston Red Sox who have a celebrity named Dice-K, I saw David Duchovny walking on Belvedere (which means beautiful view in italian (home mainly to George Clooney)). The conversation with my new friend David Duchovny went as follows:

Me (in my mind): Holy shit! Thats David Duchovny, I love Californication! and i kind of remember the x-files!

Me (out-loud): Hey buddy, you want a ride?

David Duchovny: (curt head shake, no)

After the shift I went home, and as I was walking, drinking a vitamin water (a company owned by 50 Cent), a woman with fake teeth and some sort of gout-like illness approached me and told me that i “look like Kris Christopherson, you know, with the face,” and then asked if i could give her 20 dollars for cheap pharmaceuticals. Side Note: who the fuck is Kris Christopherson? After returning home I drank water, like Michael Phelps probably does after a race. Britney Spears Paris Hilton.